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  • Iceberg Love

    People hate their spouses for the things they love!

    When I started working with couples in marriage counseling, I noticed an odd but consistent pattern. People hated their spouses for the very thing that once attracted them. It took a while to figure out what was going on, but soon I was able to explain to each spouse how they picked their poison, pardon the expression.

    Let us suppose Harry is a completely disorganized chap with a happy-go-lucky attitude. He smiles all the time and enjoys life thoroughly. He has a job that is nowhere near as challenging as he could handle with his natural talents, but the salary is perfect for his lifestyle and he doesn’t need the ulcers. One day he meets Alice.

    Alice is superwoman. She organizes her garbage, outperforms everyone in her firm, has meetings on the train to work and she’s so scheduled that she hasn’t got time for a second scoop of ice cream.

    They meet in an elevator, where obviously neither would look twice at the other, but then the elevator jams and they are stuck for a good 45 minutes. After a while, Alice is charmed at how Harry is at peace with the whole incident. She wishes she could enjoy life like that. Harry, on the other hand, is blown over by how many meetings Alice has to cancel and how her whole week is thrown off by this delay. He thinks to himself, “I wish I could get so much done.”

  • It's time to beat stress

    Stress comes in two flavors.

    The first is simply overwhelming: blinding headaches, palpitations, maybe even a stroke. This is the kind that makes it into the medical soap operas. 

    The second is the tension you take home from work, the worry that nags in the background: "What if the check bounces? Does the new boss like me? The mortgage comes due when?"

    On the surface the first kind might seem worse, but when we think about it, we all know that's not true.

  • The Parenting Secret

    By Linda & Richard Eyre, for the Deseret News

    In a recent Deseret News article titled "Good romantic partners are likely to be good parents," clear connections are made between how well people do in their marriage relationship and how good they are at parenting. The article references a British study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

    "A father who has a good relationship with the mother of his children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with his children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier," said W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and one of that study's authors. "Indeed, the quality of the marriage relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents."

    It seems obvious when you think about it - someone who is good at one relationship is more likely to be good at others. But it is more than that.


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