This is the marriage question I would get every single day, if people said what was really on their minds.
"How can I be happily married without really trying?"
It depends, what do you mean by "really"?
Given the choice between doing very little to improve their marriage, and doing a lot to improve their marriage, most spouses (husbands) will usually give the same answer, "Is this going to get back to my wife?"
Based on that, here is the way to improve your relationship without hardly trying.
Warning: this answer involves no drugs, illegal substances or physical violence, yet it's amazingly effective.Read more...
“No.” I hear you say. “The problem with my kid is he won’t get off the couch, he doesn’t do anything.”
Exactly! Think about what you are asking of him. Isn’t what you are telling him to do a lot easier than the problems his inaction is creating?
“Yes, for sure, that’s what is so infuriating!”
Exactly, so if he was interested in making his life easier, he would listen. Therefore we must conclude, he’s not interested in easy. Rather, he’s cut from the same material as Kate Rutherford.
This is part of a real conversation I recently had with a father pulling his hair out from what he perceives as a lethargic son. His sons’ inaction is piling up one giant obstacle on top of the other, in what the father clearly sees as an easily avoidable mess. At this point, the son faces some serious consequences, not least of which is prison. To the father the solution is easy, stop making your life so difficult.
And if his son were a monkey, he would listen.
“So why does the son insist on doing things that make his life more difficult?”
You aren’t getting this are you? Read this article from the beginning again.
You see, when your kids were little it was cute, interesting and meaningful that they tried to get out of their crib, jump off the stairs and other relatively adventurous stuff. In fact, we encouraged it. We didn’t tell our two year old, “Listen, if you play your cards right you can stay in this crib for the next 20 years.”
We didn’t tell him, but we didn’t need to. Children, unlike monkeys need the challenge.
The problem is, at this point, you and your child have divergent goals. You want them to find peace and stability and then live happily ever after. They want to find happiness, then find happiness again, and then again.
“O.K. Rabbi, I get your point, so how do we get them to be happy?”
There are two challenges that face EVERYONE, ALWAYS.
Having a face-to-face with a belligerent teenager about what they were doing last night, or her poor choice of clothes, bad friends and respect (or lack thereof) is a challenge - "No kidding!"
But playing golf on the PGA tour is also a challenge.
The first will solve some real problems in our lives and the other is only dealing with fictitious ones.
And here’s the rub, what we choose is what our children will choose too.
In our teenagers mind, a good video game is a challenge just like prepping for tomorrows test. So, given the choice, the X-box is going to win.
That is, if his father chooses the golf.
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