Mistake 6: PROTECT or PREPARE There is a fine line between protecting your children from the troubles and dangers of life, and creating an illusion that they don't exist. The truth is, the home should be a cocoon, a protective place from the harshness of the world. But that doesn't mean, you should create a fiction that life is what you would like it to be. Keep this in mind: disappointment is worse than unhappiness. If you give your children illusions of life, that will lead to disappointment later on, you are setting them up for a crisis that need not be. You can protect your children AND prepare them. But if your protecting incorporates a fairy tale version of life, you will achieve neither.
Every parent says, where did I go wrong. We all want more for our children then they can deliver. The trick is not to lower our expectations, it’s about living with high expectations for ourselves and them.
Mistake 4: the BIGEE Old joke: "Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?" Because they have a common enemy. It's a touching thought, after years of slavishly devoting to your children you become what you vowed would never happen. If you can remember back to when you were your children's age (no small feat!) you can appreciate the thick antipathy in the relationship. Where did we go wrong? Weren't we supposed to be their friends?
Mistake 3: The Parenting FoolEven though it is often said, "A wise man learns from his own mistakes," it is actually a misnomer.Let me explain. The core reason for the remarkable rise in life expectancy is because people want to be healthy more than they want to be right.
If it ain't broke....Fix it. Parents, typically and unfortunately, ascribe to the view, "If it aint broke, don't fix it." And, theoretically, they are correct. The problem is, they have no idea whether their children are broke or not.
I would like to thank the Panitch family for this one: Dinner time should be family time. You should try to have family dinners together as many nights as you can. Or at the minimum once a week. But then make sure it is fun and slow and an engaging meal together. This is a suggestion: go round the table and ask each person the following questions:
Mistake 1: Daffodils sometimes grow with Roses. Every gardener understands that the care needed for a rose is not the same for a daffodil. This parable is instructive on many levels:
How do you become empathetic without being pathetic? Empathy is a two edged sword, on the one hand you have to get into the mind space of your child and see the choices they are facing. This is different then feeling their pain -- although that needs to be taken into account.
Every year, Erin Kurt would ask her students what their mother did that made them feel happy or loved. This is what she has to say: Surprisingly, many of the responses were the same. Year after year, in every country I taught, and in every type of demographic, the students were saying the same things and had the same message: What they enjoyed most, and what made their hearts happiest was when their mothers did simple things for or with them. Here is a list of the top ten things students around the world said they remembered and loved most about their mothers.