Which would you rather give your children, candy or medicine?

Candy, of course. I am not saying you should, rather it’s just easier to give your children candy than medicine.

So, if it’s easier, why do you give them medicine (when they need it)?

Because it’s good for them.

And?

You love them.

Meaning, if you didn’t love them, you would give them candy instead.

This is a true story. I was teaching a class and the son of the woman in the class approached his mother and asked for a candy. The mother said “no.”

I happened to know that this ten year old boy was diabetic. This was one of those great learning opportunities. I stopped the class and told the mother that her son thinks you hate him.

She had been to many of my classes, so even though she wanted to throw something at me, she restrained herself, but nevertheless protested strongly.

“Ok,” I said, “Let’s ask your son.”

The boy came over and he agreed with me. The mother was almost apoplectic and started quizzing her son:

“You know you are diabetic?”

“Yes.” The boy responded.

“You know candy is not good for you?” again the boy responded affirmatively.

“Then what do you mean that if I really loved you I would give you the candy?”

Children being children, he just turned away and left without answering.

He didn’t answer because he knew his mother wouldn’t give him a candy just because he said “If you really loved me you would give me a candy.”

And that’s why children say “You hate me,” because they want more candy, an iphone, stay up late, etc. If you don’t give it to them, they use that line (and similar lines) to scare you into acquiescing.

However, that mother knew a fundamental truth. Deep down her son knew she loved him. He knew it so much that he gave up arguing because no amount of nagging is going to sway a loving mother. Children don’t usually articulate their deep down feelings, but later on he will. And if she had said “Yes” to the candy, then later on he will say to his mother, “If you really loved me, why did you give me candy?”

That is why, “No” means I love you.