5 things women do wrong in communicating with their husbands It’s as universal as the universe, after the words, “I do” comes, “I’ve said it 1000 times.” What gives? To be fair to me, women were warned. Simon and Garfunkel sang it as far back as the 70’s: “A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest...” And women still get married. So to update that classic song, "The Boxer," we present, "How to get your husband to NOT ignore the rest. 1) The Squeaky Brakes Syndrome My daughter was driving my car and commented how squeaky the brakes were. I had no idea what she was talking about. However, she turned out to be right. Now I hear the squeaky brakes all the time! I had learned to tune it out. It’s not that I wanted to tune it out, I just did. It’s something we all do. In fact our brains are programmed to filter out extraneous noise. We don’t hear the roar of the plane engines until it lands, the ticking clock, the dripping faucet, etc. We all have a range within which we easily tune out.
Despite what you might read on the side of a beer bottle, there is a big difference between parenting and marriage. For example, when it comes to parenting, a small good can easily outweigh the biggest badest bad. With marriage, it's the exact opposite. Let me give an example. Let's say you take the advice of one of those annoyingly upbeat and brightly colored family websites and do what is commonly called today, "The family vacation." And even though wikipedia has a reference that medieval Europe called it purgatory, you set off. You and your spouse against the kids, and no form of self-defense. After 10 days trapped in a mini-van cruising the fruited plains of America, as well as every bathroom stop within a 650 mile radius, the vision of your home rises in the distance. And drool starts flowing from your gaping mouth. By this point, your ears ring from the constant drone of, "Are we there yet?" Your arm feels like it is coming off its socket trying to reach back and get your son to leave his sister alone. And you've been popping Tylenol like it's M&Ms. So in eager anticipation, pastel images of your office fill your mind. As you put the car in park, you turn to your spouse and in the most serious tone of voice you can muster, you promise her you will NEVER do that again. You take off your seat belt, slip onto terra-firma and make for the indoor plumbing. But before you reach sanctity, your little daughter runs over, jumps up into your arms and gives you the biggest hug of your life, and with a bigger kiss she tells you how lucky she is to have you as a Daddy and that this was the best vacation any girl ever had and she will remember it for life. You melt, your wife melts and you forget everything you felt or said, and now you say, and mean it, "We have to do this again next year." On that theme, click on Lon Chaney as the Werewolf. It's only 7 minutes long, but well worth every bit to listen to one of those moments. Now, marriage....
by Elizabeth Kolbert This MUST READ article from The New Yorker presents a compelling theory for why American kids are entering almost permanent “adultescence” — not coming of age until they’re almost 40 including marrying later and later when it’s often too late to have kids of their own. Click Here for the whole article. (Thanks to […]
This is a question I recently received from a concerned mother: “My son (14 years old) confided in me that his best friend is doing something that his mother would totally not approve." "With a heavy heart I told the mother - who is also a friend of mine, because I would want to know." "My son’s friend got into trouble and now my son is very upset with me.” “Did I ruin the relationship with my son?” Click Here for my answer:
When my son was 8 years old he came to me and said, "I just realized something!" His enthusiastic tone indicated an insight worthy of Newton. "Water isn't fun unless you are in it." And even though the National Academy of Sciences isn't going to publish that one, he's right. There's an old saying, when you are a hammer, everything is a nail. My son thinks the purpose of life is to have fun. Everything therefore, is only here for him to have fun. I don't want you to think, that I think, my son discovered something on par with a new planet or a cure for aging. But what he did, we should all do, when things don't make you smile, don't give up. In his mind, the only reason for rain is for fun. When he didn't have fun with it, he had to find out why. Thus his "brilliant" insight - you have to be in it. Why don't we think like that?
...doesn’t ever happen, and what does happen is not on the list! In error, you might conclude, “I have the wrong list.” Despite the fact we complain about it, it’s for this reason we follow the news and current tragedies – we want to compile the "right" worry list. I hate to break it to you, but 99% of what EVERYONE worries about doesn’t happen. Whatever list you or anyone else has, G-d is using a different one. Even the President of the United States who has a small army of staffers just dedicated to figuring out what to worry about didn’t list the Twin Towers coming down. If the President couldn’t figure out what to worry about, then what chance do you and I have? In short, we not only have a list of worries, but we also worry about whether we have the right list! Interestingly, and as odd as it might sound, happiness is worrying about the right things in life (Proverbs 28:14). What is the right worry?
I know what you are thinking, "Rabbi, you need to take a course in marketing." "I don't need a book on how to ruin my marriage - I already know how to do that!" As it says in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe, the secret of flying is to fall to the ground.... and miss. Warren Buffet's long standing business partner, Charlie Munger, says the same thing in business, know where you will die (in business) and don't go there. Similarly, the key to being happily married is to know the things that ruin your marriage and simply stop doing them. Simple. Save yourself the trouble of marriage counseling - get this book and don't do what it says!
I don't want to sound alarmist here and start a national pandemic, but if you have seen the movie Contagion, then you know we are talking about a major motion picture scary experience. It all started, when Erik Lindenauer noticed odd things happening. Now, according to many leading experts, 24 out of every two dozen parents suffer some kind of P.B.M or related illness. Yet despite it's widespread and growing infection rate, there is no medical protocol for its prevention or cure. Therefore, it's up to each one of us to do everything we can to save ourselves from Parent Brain Mush. Click here to see the first signs of infection and learn for yourself the 3 simple things you can do to keep your mind safe....
"Only you” should talk to your kids about drugs. Listen I don’t want to scare you or anything, but we are talking about drugs. If you were the only one talking to your kids that would be just fine. But that world doesn’t exist - your kids talk to many other people. Unfortunately, parents often fail to take into account the other "advice" their children are getting. To fully appreciate what you are up against, we have put them side-by-side, comparing what the “experts” recommend with what your child's friends are telling them: This is what the experts (D.A.R.E.*) tell you: “Tell your children that you love them and you want them to be happy and healthy.” Now this is what Your Child’s Friends (Y.C.F.) tell them (sometimes more than you): “Ditto.”
I like to tell parents that there are only two kinds of trouble teenagers get into…. The kind you know about and the other kind. I know this doesn’t bring much comfort, but what does? Some parenting experts will tell you that the path to worry free parenting is to become informed. Worry and anxiety, they will tell you, come from a lack of information, or to be frank, just plain ignorance. According to this logic therefore, the more you understand, the less worry and anxiety you will have. And in truth, with everything else in our lives, this theory sort of works. However, when it comes to parenting, the only people who seriously think they have a shot at knowing what there is to know about raising children are people who don’t have any. I have yet to meet the parent who proclaims they have figured it all out. Parenting ignorance is in its own league. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a criticism. In fact, to be a healthy parent, it’s important to appreciate that parents have what I call “perfect ignorance.” Why?