STAGE ONE: COMPROMISE

This is Stage One marriage. And it's also the easiest, even though in many ways it's also the most dramatic. It goes like this: In setting up your new home, there are many compromises. You and your spouse are pulling in all kinds of directions, but a lot has to go: furnishings, schedules, lifestyle, etc. You each make a lot of changes, whether it's the brand of toothpaste or soda or even the type of vacation you take.

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Shocking revelations of a marriage counselor

After 20 plus years in marriage counselling I am going to tell you something absolutely shocking. I have never met an unhappy couple! That is, when they are compared with the average inmate in a North-Korean prison. Unfortunately, they (the couples) compare themselves to fictional Hollywood romance characters. And no matter how many times I […]

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Wanna be a Hero?

I find it amusing that people think Superman a hero when bullets just bounce off him? What bravery or courage does that require? I too would stand up to evil in a computer game, in fact, I think most people would. I would even end poverty, ignorance, and maybe bring peace between the Russians and the Chinese, if the United Nations asked for my advice. Similarly, ask anyone what the President should do on any given issue from invading a small country to raising the debt ceiling, and it's surprising how many people know what to do. As George Burns remarked, "How come all the people who know how to run the country are cutting hair and driving cabs." The New York Times always seems to boil down whatever crisis is going on in the world to a choice between two obvious alternatives. Not only that, but the NYT graciously makes it so clear even a potted plant could figure it out. Perforce, we have to ask, why is it so difficult for the people who do make these choices? When I first starting teaching marriage and parenting, I naively thought that the lack of such classes in the market place was no one had thought of it. 25 years later I have come to a different conclusion, it's hard to be a hero.

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