I tell you this not to compare it to marriage, but to tell you a simple insight I am sure you have found to be true in your profession. After a while, you've seen every scenario. Although the police officer didn't know who did it, he knew who didn't. They've seen it all before. When I go to the doctor or dentist, they are only looking like they are surprised, believe me, you aren't breaking medical history. This is where marriage comes in.
With the Olympics coming up, I thought you would find this meaningful: "Human beings excel in things that cannot be measured." I always find it interesting how interesting gymnastics and figure skating is. I remember as a kid watching the gymnastics and arguing with the referees. Insinuating something about their national origin, unless of course, they agreed with us! As I studied more about life, I thought it would be great to have an Olympics on things that really mattered. But, then I realized, the things that really count in life cannot be compared. It's hard to say that DaVinci could have done better, or that Mozart is better than Picasso. However, there is an area of life that has a measuring stick, marriage.
QUE: What’s the difference between a rabid dog and a spouse who is certain they are right? ANS: You are allowed to shoot the dog. The intense blame game of marital disputes, referred to by the acronym: “mmtmntmy.” "My Mother Told Me Not To Marry You" does have a cure. These simple rules will help you see if you are in the wrong:
Very few marriages can escape the nagging feeling that this was a lot more fun before we were married. It's not that anyone has changed, it's quite simply that when we were dating we ignored the bad stuff, and judged our intended on the basis of their best behavior so far. So when junk happens, that high water mark comes to mind, and we overlook the fact his mother drives us crazy. It's an easy theory to test, just point out to any engaged girl that his socks don't match, or boy that she is always on the phone, and both will say, "Yes, but they make me laugh, or they are so smart, or they know how to field-dress a moose." After marriage however, the space-time continuum gets messed up and we inverse ourselves. Now, we judge our spouse on the basis of their worst behavior. Now, anything good is dismissed and whatever negative incident is the new high water mark. No matter that the incident happened last week or 10 years ago. You, of course, don't need to test this out, just yesterday you did three noble deeds for your spouse and their gratitude couldn't get to the second sentence without mentioning the afore mentioned incident. Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that you do the same thing. There are 3 conclusions you could draw: 1) You married the wrong person. 2) You were young and naive and now you are seasoned and wise. 3) It's time to get a new water mark. The right answer is 3 (obviously!)
The husband of a couple in my marriage class made a point of telling everyone how his wife had wronged him and made it very clear how indignant he was. After he finished I asked a simple question, "If your boss had said the same thing to you, would your reaction be the same?" He clearly understood, that at home he stands on principle, something he is willing to forgo at work. He not only couldn't answer, he didn't come back. That's not what he wanted to hear.
There are two things that have no source, "time" and "who started it, in marriage." Actually, I'm not sure about time.
Woman on the phone to her husband: “Honey, you remembered my birthday. You are the best. What a great present. A new puppy! He’s so cute. I think I’m going to call him ‘RJ’ after you. It’s the best birthday present you ever got me.” Husband: “You know I love you. I’m just happy you’re happy. Now, just remember, you know how they like to chew on shoes and things. And of course, we have to get him house trained and all that stuff.” Wife: “Don’t worry, I’ve got it all down. I was going to give him some old slippers, but he already got my new ones. It’s OK though. I’m sure we’ll be having a few of those ‘accidents’ before he gets it right.” Later that day, however … Wife: “Honey, something I forgot to mention earlier. I know you can’t have everything, but it’s just a little annoying. You left your socks on the bedroom floor, again. How come you can’t clean up after yourself?” Husband: “Just call me ‘RJ’ ---- after the dog.” Hopefully your spouse is a lot smarter and more responsible than a dog. And I am not suggesting the wife should put up with RJ (the husband) leaving his socks lying around. After all, she’s not the maid. So, telling your spouse what you need and want is important. But being effective is more important. With that in mind, don't you think RJ (the husband) would rather be the dog? Chewing up the new slippers got a far better reaction than leaving the socks on the floor. It’s clear that the husband’s mistake is not the crime here. The problem is the expectation. What the dog did is far worse, but the expectations of the dog are far less. So, what should you expect from your husband?
Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear LET’S say you have what you believe to be a healthy marriage. You’re still friends and lovers after spending more than half of your lives together. The dreams you set out to achieve in your 20s — gazing into each other’s eyes in candlelit city bistros when you were single and skinny — have for the most part come true.
Tug-of-war that is. Truth is, this isn’t my parable, Devette, our marketing director, suggested it, and it pretty much sums up the concept. One caveat though: As the game progresses, the rope gets shorter.
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