Knowing what to say is only half as valuable as knowing when to be quiet

July 8, 2008 | admin

It’s not an apology you really want, is it?

Our feelings have been hurt, and we want the offender to make it right.

Right?

That isn’t going to happen.

Right!

They can’t make you "feel" ok again, they can only admit fault.  It’s up to you, at that point, to put the pieces back on the shelf.

The truth is, it’s a lot like sales, every salesman knows there is a point of sale or "close."  It’s extremely subtle, but if you miss it and keep "selling" you can easily lose the order they were willing to give.

With children, going over the alloted time just means your son/daughter completely ignores everything, even the good points already made.  Think of your child as a cake, and your conversation as ingredients, at some point the cake is just right, but by adding more and more salt the cake is ruined.

Unfortunately, many parents think of their children as Lego boards, and their words as the blocks, and that by pilling on more they are building something exciting.

Right!

Ok, let me get to the point here.  You have to know what your child and spouse are capable of.  Let me give you a clue, they aren’t going to break down in tears and plead forgiveness.  It’s going to be a lot closer to the opposite extreme of that emotion.  Usually the best you can get, especially from a child, is a nod, or not much more. 

There is a huge gap between that magic "nod" of agreement and the "feeling ok again" that we are hoping for.  The truth is, accepting the "nod" is realizing the world doesn’t revolve around you, BUT demanding the "feeling" is thinking it does.

If you want your children to tell you that the world revolves around you, you are better off being quiet.

 

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