If we asked 100 wives, “Are you married to a wimp?” how many do you think would say “Yes.”
Take a guess.
In my totally unscientific study based on 20 years in marriage counseling, I estimate 99 out of 100 would answer in the affirmative.
The other one would have to consult her lawyer.
From where did this malady arise?
It’s easy to blame your in-laws. Mostly because it’s just easy.
But there is a very deep and meaningful reason your hubby’s parents raised a wimp.
It’s also easy. At least easier.
In parenting, it’s so much easier to accept children than it is to bring out the best in them.
Parents are great at raising wimps. They just don’t want to be married to one.
When your son can’t find himself, it’s common for a parent to view it sympathetically. Your in-laws might annoyingly tell you it’s about time their grandson grew up, and that you coddle the children too much, to which you might comment, “He’s going through a stage,”
However, what you really mean is, “If you are such an expert, then why didn’t you get your son (my husband) to grow up!”
But the truth is, one day you will be answering to your own daughter-in-law for all the qualities you failed to instill in your son. It’s at that point you will think back to your own mother-in-law and realize, it’s a circle of life!
What is really going on, is that we have forgotten how to bring out the best in others, even our own children. In fact, we don’t really know how to do it in ourselves too well either. It’s so much easier to praise our children for anything they do than it is to help them eliminate their faults.
We are high on sympathy and low on understanding. We are great at forgiving but poor at correcting. Correcting is tough; criticizing is a piece of cake, but those two are very different animals.
While it may be true that you are married to a wimp, what’s more important is that you might be raising wimps, too.
I have never heard a mother say, “My son is a loser.”
That husband of yours is someone’s son. It may be true your husband should be more responsible than your son, but the truth is, unless someone teaches either of them how to grow up, neither is going to. It’s one of those immutable laws of nature: Things don’t spontaneously combust, money doesn’t grow on trees, and men don’t figure it all out on their own.
Even G-d had to recognize this fact: “It’s not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). For man “to get his act together” G-d needed some new technology, it’s called a woman.
No child is a loser, and any parent who thinks so is the one who has really lost. Our spouses similarly, aren’t losers. It’s us; we just gave up.