The Cure For The Marriage Blues (Part Two)
SCENE: An expensive downtown florist.
In walks a man and spends a good half-an-hour painstakingly assembling a most remarkable and most expensive bouquet.
As the florist rings up the quite impressive bill, she remarks: “A surprise for your wife?”
To which he answers, “Yes…. she’s expecting diamonds!”
Nothing in life is ever what it really is, it’s only relative to what you expect it to be!
Put in the right context the gym will make your day, but not when you were expecting a relaxing date with your spouse!
If you were expecting French cuisine but get Fast-Food, it will ruin your evening, but the other way around will make your week!
With this in mind, rarely (I mean by this never, but if I say never someone will email me about the philosophy of never saying never and how they have a distant aunt that is the exception!) – so rarely, did anyone ever marry a disaster, what they married is less than they expected.
Let’s put it this way, if you married Prince Charming (Princess Charming for the male readers who are transfer-gender impaired) who woke every morning to greet you with breakfast in bed; and all day long their only dream was to fulfill your every whim; and only went to sleep after your extensive to-do list was accomplished in full; who never complained and loved your mother having your mother over; still you would say, “I could have done better!”
I know you are all saying, “No I wouldn’t!”
All I can say is, it isn’t going to happen, so let’s not debate it!
But, more importantly, no one married such a person. I mean EVER! (Not even your distant aunt!). In other words, everyone thinks he could have done better.
We have all been raised on ridiculous fairy tales of Snow White and Cinderella. We all expect to meet Prince Charming and live happily ever after.
I want you to repeat after me, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING!”
Just like you go to college and the real hard work begins when you get a job. And just like you have a baby, and the real hard work begins when you bring the baby home. So too, when you put that ring on your finger, the really hard work begins.
The reason marriage never meets our expectations, is that our expectations are not just extreme— they are off-the-deep-end-nuts!
They don’t exist in reality.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be upset with your spouse about letting you down or not doing something they were supposed to do (note to my wife: I don’t mean you). But, the point is, if your child were to let you down, you wouldn’t say (even to yourself, let alone to your mother!) I think they switched babies on us at the hospital.
Maybe I am not being clear here, so let me say it another way. If you find yourself thinking you could have done better, that maybe you were too hasty in marrying (even though you dated for 15 years!), that the next one will be more what you need, then tattoo this on your forehead:
I am an idiot!
Your spouse has nothing to do with you being upset – true, they may be in the wrong (2nd note to my wife: I don’t mean me, only other husbands), but that in no way justifies your extreme feelings. Your feelings would never be so deep if it were your child (and in many cases, they wouldn’t be that bad if it were your dog – but that’s for another time).
Your feelings are bent out of shape because your expectations were unrealistic. Just like earning a living is work and it isn’t a bed of roses. And just as raising children is often a pain in the neck, so too Marriage is work!
Get used to it!
So, my recommendation to you is, just like we sometimes need to see a chiropractor for a spine adjustment, and sometimes we need an accountant to adjust our finances, go to the nearest “Bliss Seminar” (check out our upcoming schedule!) for a marriage expectation adjustment.
P.S. I was only kidding about the tattoo – I am sure Aish.com has an article on why we aren’t supposed to do that!