For example, when it comes to parenting, a small good can easily outweigh the biggest badest bad.
With marriage, it’s the exact opposite.
Let me give an example. Let’s say you take the advice of one of those annoyingly upbeat and brightly colored family websites and do what is commonly called today, "The family vacation." And even though wikipedia has a reference that medieval Europe called it purgatory, you set off. You and your spouse against the kids, and no form of self-defense.
After 10 days trapped in a mini-van cruising the fruited plains of America, as well as every bathroom stop within a 650 mile radius, the vision of your home rises in the distance. And drool starts flowing from your gaping mouth.
By this point, your ears ring from the constant drone of, "Are we there yet?" Your arm feels like it is coming off its socket trying to reach back and get your son to leave his sister alone. And you’ve been popping Tylenol like it’s M&Ms. So in eager anticipation, pastel images of your office fill your mind.
As you put the car in park, you turn to your spouse and in the most serious tone of voice you can muster, you promise her you will NEVER do that again.
You take off your seat belt, slip onto terra-firma and make for the indoor plumbing. But before you reach sanctity, your little daughter runs over, jumps up into your arms and gives you the biggest hug of your life, and with a bigger kiss she tells you how lucky she is to have you as a Daddy and that this was the best vacation any girl ever had and she will remember it for life.
You melt, your wife melts and you forget everything you felt or said, and now you say, and mean it, "We have to do this again next year."
On that theme, click on Lon Chaney as the Werewolf. It’s only 7 minutes long, but well worth every bit to listen to one of those moments.
I know it’s not fair, but I don’t make the rules. It’s the exact opposite.
Let me explain.
You take THE dream vacation. Just you and your spouse in Hawaii.
During the day it’s a heavy regimen of pinna-coladas and peeled grapes while being fanned by the natives. In the evening it’s world-class dining and entertainment. An absolute picture perfect experience.
On the flight back however, you get into a viscous row with your spouse about who should get the aisle seat, and you say (and mean it), "I wish I had stayed at the office."
Unlike parenting, when it comes to marriage, the smallest bad outweighs the largest good.
The goal of parenting is to do better. Therefore any good is good, no matter how much bad it took to get there.
The goal of marriage is bliss, and until you get to total bliss, it’s just does not feel good enough. And therefore any bad means you didn’t get there, no matter how much good it’s surrounded by.
As I said, I don’t make the rules, but I can help you get to total bliss, check out the Bliss seminar.